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{ECCENTRIC MUSINGS} of an Eccentric [fan]Girl. [entries|friends|calendar]

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untitled. [21 May 2008|01:30pm]
well fuck me. so this is what failure feels like.
| If I dream, I have you.

something different...? [30 Jul 2007|03:51pm]
[ mood | quizzical... ]

Suffering in the heat of a scorchingly hot summer's day, [MYSILENTSHADOW] sat lazily in front of her computer. Sweating buckets and thinking to herself for a moment, she thought of the words that would soon convey her deep feelings of quiet contemplation.

And suddenly a memory of the day before struck her, and she quickly started writing the question that unknowingly plagued her at the back of her mind...

"How does one connect with someone from a past that was so very long ago?"

At that, she promptly stopped writing. There were no more words left to express the drawn out thought.

| If I dream, I have you.

[29 Mar 2007|07:42pm]
[ mood | very very very curious ]

is it true that FOX is making a real sailor moon movie?

i've been hearing rumors about it. one of the canadian actresses from degrassi is rumored to play sailor mars, and i also heard that mischa barton is to play sailor moon.

how... odd.

if this rumor of the movie is true... someone tell me. b/c i'm just so damn curious.

3 | If I dream, I have you.

a night of manly orange flowers and public service messages [09 Mar 2007|11:15pm]
[ mood | happy ]

i have an announcement to make.

i'm graduating june 3.

so mark your calenders and do whatever you must, illegal or not, to attend my graduation.

y'all better be there, bitches. you know who you are...

on another note... i attended a dance show tonight at school. very good show. my friends performed in the show. i gave flowers to them.

did i mention that the boy i like was performing in the show?

was i being too obvious when i have him flowers?

flowers are alright to give to guys, right?


the flowers were orange... so... they were more... manly. yeah. they were manly flowers. not girly pink or purple ones. they were MANLY orange flowers. yes.

oh geez, i was being so obvious. oh geez. my friend said that i was blushing... my ears were red and my cheeks were pink. but in the end, i guess it was all worth it just to be in his arms.

man, that sounds so unbelievably corny.

i don't have you yet, but maybe someday... i'll believe that anything is possible, just for that.

any so, i bid you this - good night, sleep tight, dream well..

because i know i will.

so in the words of john donne, i quote: "If I dream, I have you..."

| If I dream, I have you.

[17 Feb 2007|10:43pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

have you ever experienced one of those moments where bad things are happening to you and all you can do is laugh because you realize that you are totally, unbelievably, so utterly screwed?

that day was friday. one of the worst days. EVER.

in one day, i found out that i had failed, literally failed, my first physics test of the semester; i had barely gotten a C on my first world lit test of the semester; and... i had barely gotten a D on my first calc test of the semester.

academically, my day was absolutely horrible. but because i want desperately to do awesome in my last semester of highschool, the bad academics just brought me down unbelievably for the whole day.

when i got my test back in physics, my first class of the day, i almost broke down in tears... then i probably would have followed in hysteric laughter. i had done so unbelievably horrible on that test that i just didn't want to believe it. i could feel all of the motivation drain from the many pores of my skin and float away. it was horrible.

i had literally gotten an F. AN F.

my reactions to seeing the test weren't ideal, but they were expected... it was a horrible squiggling in my stomach that i had felt and a harsh bark of laughter i emmitted that sort of scared my classmate sitting next to me. i knew that i would be screwed for the rest of the semester if i kept up these horrible grades.

in world lit, we were tested of the greek tragedy, oedipus the king. the test itself was unexpectedly hard b/c of the way that the questions and answers were worded (it was a multiple choice test). i, along with the rest of my classmates, were surprised at how difficult it was.

my teacher graded and gave the tests back in the same period, and when i got my test back, i almost let out a laugh b/c i barely passed with a C. but my overall grade was still an A, so i think i'll be alright.

i thought that after that, i would go on and be okey. the rest of the day would go over a little more ideally, a little more smoothly.

and then, calc happened.

i think i might've run out of laughs, so it's no wonder that i felt my eyes start to slightly tear up when i saw my barely D grade on the colorfully marked up test that was handed to me by my teacher. oh, there were so many markings...

i wished with all of my might that the test wasn't mine... that she had made a mistake or something. but it was my name on the test. my messy, nearly illegible handwriting all over the test.

it was at that moment that i wished i could be swallowed up by the ground, never to be seen or heard from again.

i could just picture my grade plummet from there.

when i got home from school that day, i got my last pay check from the old employer and went to the bank to deposit it. then, i wandered every which way and drove around. my mind was elsewhere entirely b/c i don't really remember where i went off to that evening.

today, i woke up at 3AM, realizing that i was lying on the couch. i went back to sleep, only to be woken up a three hours later. to say that i'm tired would be a ginormous understatement.

the good part of saturday was that when i came back from studying at the library with my friend, i walked in to find that we had gotten a new computer.

that sort of cheered me up.

now, i'm going to go work out while finishing watching notting hill. hopefully, sunday will be a way better day to make up for a horrible friday.

| If I dream, I have you.

oh, she just might be growing up after all... [14 Feb 2007|05:31pm]
[ mood | moody for no apparent reason.. ]

why, hello there.

in the midst of the crazy normalcy that is my life, i have taken time to write a little in you, my lj.

i have not forgotten about you, i've just been busy.

no, really. i have.

and yes, i'm sorry.


it's been a long time. things have changed. i'll tell you about a few things happening right now.

after working at my first job for a month, i quit. and i got a new employer. a better employer. i started last monday. i sincerely hope things go well this time because... i can't imagine working anywhere else. so things better work out. and so far, they are.

i liked a boy. there's a part of me that still likes him, but there's also a part that is over him. after recently hearing that he now might be interested in me, i am finding myself suddenly thrown into a confusing mess. i'm thinking way too much about him and the culminating situation between us. i'm just thinking way too much. and it needs to stop. i just don't know how.

also, i might like another guy. a very good, close friend. and it's not good because i don't want to start liking my friend.

there are just so many problems with boys in my life right now. i sometimes wish there were no boys. maybe i would've been better off in an all-girls school... ehh.

it's the start of my last semester and i'm not so sure that it'll start off the way i want it to. everything is so much more confusing than first semester.

college has become a reality to me quite recently. and, quite frankly, it's scaring the shit out of me.

i am getting way too out of shape. i need to work out more. as soon as it gets to be a higher temperature outside, i am going to run two or three miles. then, i will promptly fall down in a heap of sweaty mess from fatigue.

i'm actually looking forward to doing that. really.

it's valentine's day (aka single's awareness day) today. that makes me think of a certain boy that i shouldn't be thinking about. and that boy, along with another guy friend, gave me flowers today. and that gets me thinking about things again...

meanwhile, i have a new obsession: the canadian show, life with derek. and the canadian actor who plays derek, michael seater. why must i be absolutely besotted with michael seater? damn you, you hot, sexy beast.

i'm starting to become a fan of canadian shows. i really want to see that show, degrassi: the next generation. and a plethora of episodes of life with derek. and naturally, sadie too.

its quite possible that the reason behind me watching these shows is because i could be reverting back to my childhood/preteen years... making up for things and experiences that i wish i had done and experienced by watching actors and actresses act them out on tv.

or, it could be something else. i don't know. whatever. you can call me childish and immature, that's okey.

today was a rather bleak day. i woke up really moody and by the end of the day, despite the valentines gifts of flowers and cards and sweets, i was feeling rather annoyed.

it could be b/c of my failing the math test. or b/c i was post-PMSing, which is highly likely. or... it could be me thinking about certain things again.

anyway, i just needed to sort of... empty my head a little. this seemed like a good idea.

i now must go bake valentine's day brownies so that i can give them to people tomorrow. i know, i know. i'm procrastinating with this, too. but then again... i procrastinate w/ almost everything, important or trivial. so why should this be different?


anywho... happy valentine's day.

Superflip's Meme/Quiz... Thing.Collapse )

2 | If I dream, I have you.

[20 Dec 2006|03:39am]
[ mood | pensive ]

What's Your Reputation at Hogwarts? (26 different characters)

Crazy Outspoken Psycho (Who's Original In Every Way)House: HufflepuffBest Friend(s): Blaise, Fred, George, and yourself.GryffindorsHarry: Thinks you hate him ever since you called him a "creep". (And is still a little upset that you never gave Cedric the chance to ask you to the Yule Ball so he could go with Cho).Ron: Likes that you don't bow down to Harry and that you wear whatever you want without being so self-consious.Hermione: Is envious of your hair. She loves how you color it, keep it shiny and tamed, and how you do it. Her favorite of your hair styles was your "Hot Pink Streaks" style.Oliver Wood: Has dreams about meeting you in person and falling head over heels for you immediately.Fred and George Weasley: Are your best friends and sidekicks. You assist them in every way possible, and vice versa.Seamus Finnigan: Likes that you wear different colored clothes and don't bother to always match but somehow manage to look great.Neville Longbottom: Thinks you're a little loopy but is still kind to you.Dean Thomas: Always compares his girlfriends to you.Ginny Weasley: Helped you add blue dye to your hair one day because she wanted to find out if you were actually that cool in real life.Parvati Patil: Copies your style profusely and relentlessly.Padma Patil: Secretly hates you ever since you mistook her for her sister and called her a "brainless fashion robot".HufflepuffsCedric Diggory: Was going to ask you to the Yule Ball but was cut short when George and Fred ran up to with a new idea for their shop and you excused yourself excitedly.RavenclawsCho Chang: Is upset that Cedric only asked her to the Yule Ball as a last resort, but still accepts the fact that you're much better looking than she could ever hope to be.SlytherinsDraco Malfoy: Wants to be able to express himself like you. He wishes he didn't have to care what other people of him and could just say "I don't give a fuck," with as much ease as you do.Crabbe: Is attracted to your bright hair and clothes.Goyle: Likes your really long eye lashes.Pansy Parkinson: Wishes she had beauty like yours.Marcus Flint: Likes your taste in music (electronic, indie, alternative) and almost mustered up enough courage to ask you to a concert.Blaise Zabini: Is one of your other closest friends because you got him to open up. He confessed everything to you and even cried a little on your shoulder, and you two are the best of friends.TeachersDumbledore: Has no doubt that you'll take your creativity to all new levels as you mature. (as in get older, not more... motherly).Professor McGonagall: Is proud, but watchful, of your ambition.Professor Flitwick: Likes you, but doesn't know you too well.Professor Trelawney: Asks you for your opinion on everything she does.Professor Snape: Loves how you brighten the room, but hates how you attract the attention.Filch: Envies you for having so much fun at school.
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

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| If I dream, I have you.

[29 Oct 2006|01:49am]
[ mood | pensive ]








it had seemed that my life had once been made up of numerous eight counts... movements choreographed into many eight counts, danced to various pieces of music.

i hadn't realized that my life had changed into a flurry of dances and movements until the music abruptly halted... until i stopped the music and choreographed myself out of the dance.

oh, how strange...

looking back on my short career as a dancer, i've realized that i truly did enjoy my time spent with my fellow dancers, and that dance has changed me, affected me, made a great impression on me. i've learned so much from dancing. i know that i will never regret my short time as a dancer.

thus ends a great chapter in the story of my life. i wonder what comes next?

heh. bring it on, bitch.

2 | If I dream, I have you.

[14 Sep 2006|08:11pm]
[ mood | i'm tired, but i'm alright. ]

hello. how've you been, darling journal of mine?

i'm still the same girl, playing the same game. except the game has just gotten harder.

school. practice. homework. school. practice. homework. school. practice. homework.

yep, you guessed it. i have no life... outside of the following three things listed above.

my conclusion? i need a vacation.

| If I dream, I have you.

[06 Aug 2006|11:04am]
[ mood | cold ]

You scored as Sociology. You should be a Sociology major!






























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

well that's interesting.

on another note, i got my license. yehahahahah.
2 | If I dream, I have you.

[26 Jul 2006|01:48pm]
[ mood | i'm fine. just fucking dandy. ]

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut="i'm>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

<lj-cut="I'm fine.">

If 'fine' means wanting to break things and cry from pure frustration, then yes. I'm just fine.

No, more than fine. I'm fucking dandy.

I'm not so great at tennis, but hey, I'm fine. I'm feeling lonely. I feel left out and isolated. I feel as though I've been forgotten or... replaced. I'm angry. Mad as hell. Fucking pissed off. I feel like breaking things. I feel like I don't belong here.

But hey, I'm fine. I was, am, and always will be. And nothing will ever change that little fact.

Damn, that felt good. </lj-cut>

[23 Jul 2006|02:40pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

hello there.

i'm in minnesota. visiting my cousins. very fun, it is. surrounded by testosterone. and tennis. and more tennis. ha. we're watching blake and roddick lay in the RCA championship in indianapolis.

it's fun being the only girl. but... it gets kinda lonely. i need another girl here with me.

5 | If I dream, I have you.

[09 Jul 2006|11:02am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

my computer has been broken for a little more than two months. no internet for me. very bad.

summer has been good to me thus far. just some minor disappointments, that's all. these include:

- dance practice 3 times/week
- camp next week
- not much sleep
- no internet
- no computer
- not much money
- no job
- no license
- no car
- not talking with cousins... these distant feelings sadden me greatly.
- most unpredictable world cup EVER
- brazil and argentina not facing off in the finals of the world cup... still pissed about that one. i wanted to see them play against each other so badly. eh.
- federer winning wimbledon today
- the ending of pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest... ARRRGGGGGHHH!!!!! so very frustrating... ::shakes head::

and yet, there were some good things...

- dancing and working out a lot
- cooking
- currently painting my room
- really good friends
- most unpredictable world cup EVER
- seeing mauresmo win wimbledon against henin-hardenne
- federer winning wimbledon today
- nadal winning the french open against federer [yea-yuh!!!]
- seeing the lakehouse, pirates of the caribbean: dead man's chest
- captain jack sparrow [makes me very happy]

my list is currently postponed until i have access to another computer. heh.

3 | If I dream, I have you.

[11 Jun 2006|01:33pm]
[ mood | happy ]

finals are over. school has ended. ACTs are done.

i think... i think i'm actually... free.

I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wow, this is just... great. wonderful. splendiferious.


| If I dream, I have you.

bad day #347 [31 May 2006|03:46pm]
[ mood | defeated;drained;sad;angry ]

today, life really did throw me lots of lemons. and this time, i didn't make lemonade. hell, i didn't even try... i just stopped trying. i just... didn't. my rose-colored glasses are off my face and flung away somewhere far and dark.

today, i got sick of everything and let it all out. life did get the better of me today. and right now, it just seems like it's going to win tomorrow as well. how unfortunate.

right now, i really do wish i could fly away from here and never come back.

| If I dream, I have you.

[28 May 2006|11:47am]
[ mood | amused ]

Pirate Monkey&apos;s Harry Potter Personality Quiz
Harry Potter Personality Quiz
by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

well that's interesting.

| If I dream, I have you.

[ mood | stressed/absolutely pissed off ]


and i'm still pissed.

1 | If I dream, I have you.

[21 May 2006|02:38pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

am wondering what the oncoming week will bring me. can't seem to think about anything else but school. am very school-centric. do not like being school-centric.

wishing for a pensieve. things would be so much easier. and cool to literally live through old memories... very fun, methinks.

on another note... loves icons. so pretty. and new songs. good stuff.

| If I dream, I have you.

[19 May 2006|03:55pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

well this is disappointing. i got my ACT exam scores back today. i didn't do as well as i had hoped. am very disappointed.

this makes me doubt myself and now i wonder if i can get into a good college in the future.

and yeah... this is just all very disappointing.

1 | If I dream, I have you.

[17 May 2006|04:49pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i am absolutely exhausted.

i ran a mile and a half in ten minutes for a grade. i was running and i honestly felt like i was dying. i wanted to stop, but i couldn't stop because it was timed and we were being graded based on our times. which was horrible.

and now i feel sick with a throbbing pain in my head. but i do feel some accomplishment, which is good.

on another note... i have a possibly free ticket to prom this year. so i have a choice: do i want to go or do i not want to go?

and that question is going to be answered at a later time. when i'm not tired, to be specific.

1 | If I dream, I have you.

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